


The Trials and Tribulations of Kim Hongjoong

by thistinyatiny (givemepizza)



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Aged Up Yunho, Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Really sweet moments, Romance, Sad and Sweet, Sad hongjoong, Slice of Life, Soft Kim Hongjoong, Sweet and Caring Seonghwa, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-23
Updated: 2020-07-27
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:22:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25473076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/givemepizza/pseuds/thistinyatiny
Summary: To say Hongjoong's life sucks is an understatement. Once upon a time He was a successful professional rapper but suddenly his popularity isn't as it used to be. To make matters worse his record label loses interest in him soon after his popularity expires. With such misfortune in his career alongside his other personal struggles, Hongjoong is lucky to have an awesome boyfriend like Seonghwa supporting and cheering him on.
Relationships: Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa
Kudos: 35





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> Took me long enough to return to our fandom with some new work:) Well i'm back with a 3-part seongjoong angsty yet sugary sweet story for you guys. Sometimes it'll get sad as we explore Hongjoong's emotions and struggles then other times the story will get super romantic and sweet when Seonghwa swoops in to give his baby some comfort. 
> 
> Yunho is older in this story because he plays Hongjoong's older brother. Yunho and Yeosang are sort of the "bad guys" in this story, but please keep in mind that i love them both dearly and it pains me to give them awful characters here. i wanted this story to have ATEEZ members only. 
> 
> That being said, if anyone is interested, I have posted ONEUS (Hwanwoong/Youngjo) and Stray kids (Changbin and Felix) versions of this story under the title "Hard Times". Same story.  
> Until our boys' comeback is out, pleas enjoy this story. I'm almost done writing this story, so i'll update every day or 2 day.

Hongjoong takes one last deep breath and braces himself for the worst before stepping into his boss and older brother's office.  
Things haven't always been tense between them. Once upon a time being a rapper under his brother's label was a dream come true for Hongjoong, but shortly after he signed the contract, things went south quickly. Most recently all Hongjoong seems to get is one piece of bad news after another.  
Hongjoong finds his manager already there in the CEO's office. That's not new. San, Hongjoong's manager has been deeply involved in every step of Hongjoong's career as should he, doing his part to ease the path for Hongjoong. That's all in the past though. Nowadays there nothing and no one who can ease Hongjoong's suddenly stormy career path.  
One day both Hongjoong and San woke up to the hellish reality that Hongjoong just isn't as marketable as he used to be in the industry, despite his young age. The change happened so suddenly and for no apparent reason apart from the fact that a huge chunk of Hongjoong's fans shifted interest to a newer even younger artist than Hongjoong.  
That doesn't mean the agency hasn’t tried to stir Hongjoong’s popularity. Up to this point the CEO- and Hongjoong’s brother Yunho- has tried everything in his power to restore the popularity Hongjoong once had; small acting roles, variety show gigs, commercials and so much more. The only thing Hongjoong hasn't done is maybe modelling and that's probably only because he doesn't have the height for it.  
In his office, Yunho is seated behind his desk when Hongjoong walks into the office. "Hongjoong, sit.” Yunho invites.

So Hongjoong joins his manager on the plush leather couch that’s situated in the far right corner of the office, not too far from the CEO’s desk. San smiles and pats Hongjoong on the back as he sits.  
Never one to beat about the bush, Yunho gets right to the point as expected. “I invited you both here to let you know that a new artist will be joining our agency later this month.”  
Hongjoong and San exchange a surprised glance and then San looks back at Yunho. "Is that good news for us?"

“Having a new artist on board is always good news. Our followers are already buzzing about this on social media, so while the public is attention on us, we are going to hurry up and give him a solo album. We hope to release the new music by the end of this month.”

Hongjoong frowns, confused by this news. “That’s when my new album comes out though.”

Yunho leans forward, clasping his hands at his desk. “The other investors and I sat down and we’ve decided to postpone the release of your album.”

“Again?” Hongjoong snaps in frustration

San takes hold of Hongjoong’s hand and whispers. “Calm down, Joongie.”

Hongjoong knocks his hand out of San’s. “This is the third time my album is getting postponed.” He complains but his brother’s expression remains infuriatingly clam.

“Think about it this way, you get a chance to practice for longer. After all we agreed that you would deliver a different style of music this time.”

Hongjoong shakes his head in disbelief. First his album was supposed to be released 16 months ago in January but it was postponed because Yunho haphazardly decided that it was in Hongjoong’s best interest to spend more time preparing and maybe come up with a new style of music as well since Hongjoong’s music recently haven’t been doing well on the charts.

8 months ago in July Hongjoong’s album release got pushed back again because the company felt that the timing was better suited for another one of its artist’s album release.

Now Hongjoong is being shoved aside again and he needs answers.

“Yes but all the practicing and recording has been done. It’s been 16 months since I put music out there. My fans might forget me entirely.”

“I understand your passion and dedication to your fans, Hongjoong but this is also a business. We have to pay bills and salaries around here. The truth is that you are no longer that profitable as an artist and there is only so much we can do to help your situation. Of course you’ll release your music eventually. All I’m saying is that right now we are other better opportunities to reach for. Do you understand?”

Hongjoong presses his lips together in an effort to hold back the string of curses dying to flow out from his aching heart. Sitting here staring at the uncaring expression on his own brother’s face, Hongjoong feels like he’s just been robbed not only of career opportunities, but his pride and joy as well. He feels like less than nothing. “Do I have much of a choice?” he asks, hating how shaky his voice sounds because he’s about to cry.

“Not really. We’ll keep you posted on when you can resume activities. For now just keep practicing and getting better. Spend some time chatting with your fans on SNS.”

*********

While making very slow steps towards the dance studio, Hongjoong’s heart keeps growing heavier and heavier. Everything inside and out of his body just hurts so damn much and it doesn’t help that Yunho’s words keep running through his mind.

_Right now we have better opportunities to reach for._

This is a business indeed and there is barely any room for love and kindness, but at times such as this, Hongjoong wonders how his own brother can say such scathing words to him. After all there was a time when Hongjoong was very profitable to this company. Yunho wasn’t exactly nice to Hongjoong back then either but he wasn’t as harsh as he is now.

Back then Yunho even took Hongjoong out for meals and company parties to meet other industry hotshots. Hongjoong was Yunho’s pride and Hongjoong desperately ate up every trickle of attention, admiration and love he got from Yunho because that’s the only family he has. Their parents died a very long time ago when Hongjoong was only 13. Yunho is a lot older than Hongjoong, so he was 28 when it happened. Since then it’s just been the two of them.

Yunho always had dreams of working in the music industry, so he and some equally interested friends of his formed a partnership, set up an agency and signed the first two artists. Around the time he was 15 or 16, Hongjoong easily found himself spending time at his brother’s small agency and that’s where his rapping talent was discovered one day when he was playing around in the recording studio.

A two year period of training later, Hongjoong debuted as a solo artist with the agency at age 18 and he has been a rapper and dancer for exactly 7 years. He is set to renew his contract soon. That in itself is something Hongjoong is excited about because there are some changes he hopes to make to his working conditions.

With a busy lifestyle such as Hongjoong’s in a world where people take pretentiousness to a whole new level, it was been difficult for Hongjoong to make any friends. He lost the ones he had before debut because his training hasn’t allowed him much time for them. Most of his time is spent of meeting other celebrities than regular folks, so he’s oly managed to acquire a few fellow celebrity friends, but even those haven’t really stuck because everyone is too busy working or pretending to be something they are not.

Yunho is the only person Hongjoong can truly rely on as a friend and family, but as the years roll by, Yunho gets more and more distant. Hongjoong can’t shake off the feeling that he lost the family and friendship in Yunho a long time ago the moment they became boss and employee. Their relationship feels so forced now. They were never really close growing but Hongjoong thought that was only because for their age difference. They are both men now so Hongjoong would think they’d get along better yet that’s not the case at all.

The time their relationship did improve, Yunho was probably only excited about the money Hongjoong was making him, it’s a painful reality but one Hongjoong has to accept and live with because he is too old to pretend. Now that Hongjoong is no longer a cash cow, Yunho can barely create the time to have a drink with Hongjoong.

Hongjoong’s phone vibrates in his coat pocket. He takes it out and checks the screen. It’s a text from his boyfriend Seonghwa. A tiny glimmer of brightness comes alive in Hongjoong’s chest despite how cold and gloomy he feels, and he manages a tiny smile.

**From: My Seonghwa hyungie <3**

_How is your day going?_

Hongjoong pauses in the hallway to text back.

 **To:** **My Seonghwa hyungie <3**

_I miss you, hyung. I wish you were here with me right now._

**From: My Seonghwa hyungie <3**

_Is something wrong, baby?_

**To:** **My Seonghwa hyungie <3**

_I’m okay. Can’t I just miss my man anymore?_

Hongjoong doesn’t mean to lie but maybe he doesn’t want to tell his boyfriend all about the heavy stuff going on with him through text. It’s better to talk in person later.

**From: My Seonghwa hyungie <3**

_:D That’s sweet. You are sweet. I miss you too <3_

**To:** **My Seonghwa hyungie <3**

_How is work?_

**From: My Seonghwa hyungie <3**

_Well I haven’t died of boredom yet, so good I guess. I’ll text you again later okay. Love you, baby <3_

**To:** **My Seonghwa hyungie <3**

_I love you too, hyung:*_

Hongjoong slumps against the wall behind him, tilting his head back and holding back tears of frustration and sheer sadness. He really wishes Seonghwa were here with him now to hold him and to be strong for him like he always is.

*********

“Surprise. I brought dinner.” Seonghwa says with a smile when he shows up at Hongjoong’s apartment later in the evening, much to Hongjoong’s surprise and joy.

In pure elation, Hongjoong lunges at Seonghwa and throws his arms around him. Seonghwa Totally welcomes the affection and puts his arms around Hongjoong, paper bags in his hands and all. “Thank God you are here.” Hongjoong mutters, voice muffled because he has his face buried his face in Seonghwa’s chest. The heater is on in his house, but Hongjoong can’t seem to feel it. He just feels so cold literally and probably emotionally too thanks to this awful, exhausting, depressing day.

So instead of letting go of Seonghwa so that they can move from the entryway and get settled in, he tightens his hold on Seonghwa, enjoying the warmth seeping into him. Hongjoong feels like he might crumble if Seonghwa lets go of him. He wishes he could stay right here in Seonghwa’s arms and forget everything- past and present.

According to Hongjoong’s contract with this agency, he isn’t allowed to date so every once in a while his manager or another staff member is sent out to follow Hongjoong around to make sure he is taking care of his health, eating right and staying away from the dating scene. For all Hongjoong knows, someone from his agency could be outside right now, eavesdropping to find out who is going in and out of Hongjoong’s house. Of course dating another guy helps to eradicate any suspicions of a romance, but it’s still a bit of a risk for Hongjoong having Seonghwa here since everyone at the agency knows that he has no non-celebrity friends.

Hongjoong can’t bring himself to care about all that right now thought.

“I know you’ve had a tough day but I’m here now. It’s okay?” Seonghwa murmurs softly and kindly, his voice full of understanding. The last remnants of strength holding Hongjoong together come crushing down and he bursts into tears.

Seonghwa dips slightly to more carefully put the paper bags down by his feet, then he straightens back up and properly gatheres Hongjoong into his arms.

*******

“I’m such a downer. You brought food and here I am being all sad and shit.” Hongjoong laughs mirthlessly, pulling his chapped bottom lip between his teeth.

Seonghwa winces at how hoarse Hongjoong’s voice sounds, probably from all the time he is spending recording music in the studio and on vocal training. His throat must hurt like hell.

Hongjoong’s tears have subsided now and he and Seonghwa have reclined on Hongjoong’s leather couch in his tiny living area space. 

Seonghwa uses his fingers to wipe the last traces of moisture on Hongjoong’s cheeks. “It’s better than pretending. You are not a downer.”

“You are too nice.”

“I know. It’s a shame we don’t have many boyfriend-of-the-year contests here in Seoul.” Seonghwa chortles.

That gets a small smile out of Hongjoong, an achievement Seonghwa is incredibly happy about. Small victories count too.

“I bet you’d win.”

Seonghwa takes Hongjoong’s hands in his and looks him straight in the eye. “What happened? Why are you so upset?”

Hongjoong sighs and lowers his gaze. “My album has been pushed back again.”

Seonghwa scowls. “Why?”

“Apparently the main focus of any agency is to make profit. I’m no longer so profitable, so the younger, more popular artists in the agency are being given first priority when it comes to comebacks.” Hongjoong laughs dryly as a fresh wave of bitterness washes over him.

Seonghwa can’t find the words to say. He is just so flabbergasted by the offensive situation and he’s also really heartbroken for his boyfriend. Until they figure something out together that can make all this better, all Seonghwa can do is comfort Hongjoong, and that’s what he does. He sidles closer to Hongjoong and pulls him into his arms again.

Hongjoong gets up and settles himself onto Seonghwa’s lap, and loops his arms around Seonghwa’s neck.

*******

They settle for dinner on the floor with their food laid out between them on the paper bags. Hongjoong doesn’t own a decent table yet.

Seonghwa notices that Hongjoong is spending more time picking at his food than actually eating it, but he doesn’t say anything. He understands that Hongjoong is having a hard time having to diet when he hates it so much. The stress he’s under also probably isn’t doing much to improve his appetite.

“I miss drinking beer and eating fried chicken with you.” Hongjoong suddenly reminisces. “I don’t even have any work but I have to maintain my weight anyway.” He scoffs bitterly

“That does suck.” Seonghwa says and then he smiles softly also recalling the times they ate fried chicken together in bed at Seonghwa’s place. “Our fried chicken dates were fun. Maybe we can do it again soon when you are done preparing for your comeback.”

Hongjoong nods, glancing at the contents on Seonghwa’s plate. It’s not very different from what’s on Hongjoong’s plate. Whenever Hongjoong is on a diet, Seonghwa tries to stay away from all unhealthy food too, just to support Hongjoong. Sometimes Hongjoong can’t believe how good Seonghwa is to him, that someone can love him like Seonghwa does. Hongjoong feels truly blessed to have Seonghwa.

At the same time it’s a curse because Hongjoong feels guilty for turning his boyfriend into a guardian of sorts. Since Hongjoong spends so many hours working, Seonghwa brings him dinners, occasionally goes to Hongjoong’s apartment to clean up, comes running to comfort Hongjoong whenever is having a hard time, and mostly he even helps Hongjoong out financially.

For a few months now since Hongjoong got his own place, Seonghwa has been paying Hongjoong’s utility bills and stocking up his fridge and cabinets with groceries. Hongjoong hates being so helpless financially but his career doesn’t allow him to get another job. He was very young when he signed his contract and at the time paying bills was the least of his concerns. He was more excited about becoming a star, so he put his name of a document that has close to no benefits for him. Hongjoong makes very little money from his rapping career.

Just to have more privacy, he used the little savings he had left from finally clearing the debt he owed his agency for maintenance expenses, to rent this place. Seonghwa once suggested they move in together to reduce their costs since his job doesn’t earn him that much more than Hongjoong’s. But Hongjoong has dating-ban contractual obligations to fulfil and moving in with someone the agency doesn’t know would raise questions. 

None of the stuff Seonghwa does for Hongjoong is easy for him but he does it anyway with close to no complaints.

That’s part of the reason why Hongjoong really wants do well as a rapper, to make Seonghwa proud and repay his kindness. Hongjoong wants to be a better, stronger, more composed person too for Seonghwa.

“How are things at work?” Hongjoong asks Seonghwa.” Anything fun happen today?”

“There is no such thing as fun in the life of a risk appraisal officer.”

Hongjoong laughs, with some actual humour in it this time. “But you still love the work?

Seonghwa nods. “With the issue of global recession getting worse, the world of investment and savings is getting more fascinating.”

“Good for you. Are you happy?”

“Yeah.” Seonghwa says in a heartbeat.

Hongjoong’s gaze drops to his lap. “I remember a time when joining this agency was the best thing that happened to me. I hope I’ll go back to feeling that way again.” 

“You are young and possibilities for you are infinite. If things don’t get any better here, there will be a better arrangement waiting for you elsewhere.”

“You think so?”

“I actually do. Now stop worrying and eat your food or I’ll force feed you.”

Hongjoong pouts and tilts his head to the side, looking at Seonghwa will a cute smile. “I actually like it when you feed me.”

“So, is that what you are trying to get me to do right now?”

Hongjoong shrugs. “You don’t have to, but it would be nice.” He widens his already wide eyes to look extra cute and Seonghwa groans

“Puppy eyes? So not fair.” Seonghwa huffs.

Sensing that a victory is within his reach, Hongjoong grins, bursting into laughter when Seonghwa roll s his eyes at him.

“You stabbed me on the cheek with your chopsticks, so no thanks.”

“Let that go already.” Hongjoong grumbles indignantly. “For God’s sake I was trying to be romantic.”

“In the future, let me handle the romance.” Seonghwa wrinkles his nose. “You are so bad at it. I haven’t forgotten the candlelight dinner incident 2 months ago when you tried your hand at cooking.”

“Incident?” Hongjoong scoffs, mock offended. “I was trying to do something special for you.”

“Really? I thought you made me eat that food to get back at me for something.” Seonghwa teases and Hongjoong throws a piece of lettuce at him.

The sight of Seonghwa laughing so hard makes it impossible for Hongjoong to feign anger. He ends up laughing along because yes the dinner in question was awful.

Seonghwa reaches for a bottle of honey and lemon water, twists the cap off and hands it to Hongjoong. “It’s good for your throat.”

“I really didn’t want to eat another meal alone. Thanks for coming.”

“That’s okay. I missed you anyway.” Seonghwa leans forward with his lips puckered, asking for a kiss. Hongjoong puts his plate down, sits up, takes Seonghwa’s face in the palms of his hands and kisses him on the lips. 


	2. Two

Hongjoong lets his knees give out and his exhausted body collapses onto the practice room floor. He lies there on his back, staring at the ceiling and waiting for his breathing to steady and his head to stop spinning after a lengthy dance practice session.

In the background he faintly hears footsteps then the booming music stops and a few seconds later, the figure of his manager appears, looming over Hongjoong.

"Hi." San says with his ever bright smile- that never fails to brighten one’s day- before crouching down and taking Hongjoong by the arm to pull him up into a sitting position.

San then hands Hongjoong a bottle of water. "You've danced enough. Take a break."

"Thanks." Hongjoong gratefully accepts the water and quickly drinks it, gulping down half of it at once.

"Go home and rest."

"It's boring there. I can’t just sit around all day."

San sighs and actually has the decency to look like he hates what he's about to say. "Your album doesn't come out in a while. There is no need for this much practice."

Hongjoong looks at San. "I have nothing else to do. There is nothing outside my career."

"Maybe it's time you talk to your brother about the dating ban. I mean you are getting older now and it's time you get some friends, maybe a nice girlfriend."

Hongjoong lowers his gaze at the 'nice girlfriend' part. Hongjoong trusts San and he's probably the closest thing to a friend Hongjoong has, but not even San knows about Hongjoong's boyfriend or that Hongjoong is gay.

It's just a risk Hongjoong can't take. He has to protect his career and sometimes that means keeping personal things to himself. Yunho has eyes and ears all over the company, watching Hongjoong's every move to make sure he follows all regulations under the contract. That makes it hard for Hongjoong to entirely trust anyone.

“Having some friends would be nice.” _I’d also love to go out on public dates with Seonghwa hyung_ , Hongjoong is thinking to himself.

“It’s not a bad idea to talk to your brother about it. You are older now, so he should trust you more.”

“Hyung can be quite uncompromising. You know that.” Hongjoong meekly mutters to the floor.

“Doesn’t hurt to try.” San shrugs one shoulder. “He might surprise you.”

*********

The walk to his brother’s office is always the worst for Hongjoong because he always has to gather some courage first so that his tenacity doesn’t crumble the moment he comes face to face with his brother’s stern, rigid gaze.

Today is no different. Hongjoong looks back fondly on a time when he could comfortably discuss personal matters with his brother. Nowadays every conversation is so nerve wrecking and uncomfortable because no matter what Hongjoong ends up feeling like a querulous bother. The fact makes Hongjoong endlessly miserable because Yunho is the only family he has but they can’t even have one decent conversation.

"That's absolutely out of the question." Yunho says the moment Hongjoong voices out his request for the dating ban on his contract to be lifted. Hongjoong is sitting across his brother, staring right at the cold, calculating, intimidating expression Yunho is wearing. San calls it a thick skin that everyone acquires in the harsh world of business.

Sure this is a business environment and Hongjoong’s contract with tis agency means business, but he doesn’t get why Yunho has to be so hostile towards him every time.

"I'm a grown man now and I can take care of myself." Hongjoong tries to reason.

"Artists older than you have had scandals. We can't take the risk."

"But I'm...I'm a person before I'm an artist."

"You are also an asset, Hongjoong. For god's sake grow up and come to your senses. This is a business. Your career comes first for both of us. Why do you need this ban lifted anyway?"

 _Because I'm lonely_ , he wants to say but can't find the courage

He cowers and meekly lowers his gaze because he has no confidence and that's the bitter truth that he has to accept about who he is.

Instead of asserting himself in the situation, Hongjoong goes to a bar to drink his sorrows away. He's not sure how long he's been sitting in a dark corner -to avoid getting recognised by someone- when his phone buzzes. Pulling it out from his coat pocket, he finds a text from Seonghwa.

**From: My Seonghwa Hyungie <3**

_Still at the company? I just left the office._

Hongjoong's mind is already a little foggy considering how inebriated he is from the alcohol, so the words on the screen are floating about. It’s worse when he looks at the keyboard, but he does his best to type a reply.

**To: My Seonghwa Hyungie <3**

_Lest met at you pleca_

A reply comes very quickly

**From: My Seonghwa Hyungie <3**

_Your entire text is riddled with misspellings. Are you drunk? Where are you?_

Damn it. Sometimes Hongjoong feels like it’s a curse that Seonghwa knows him so well. Hongjoong was hoping that he could find a way to sober up and go meet Seonghwa without any evidence that he’s been drinking. Seonghwa always scolds Hongjoong when he drinks because Hongjoong tends to go a bit overboard.

Hongjoong blinks rapidly and even shakes his head to clear his head so that he can type something more coherent. He squints at the text he just sent and after some time he notices the mistakes he made. The horror.

He starts typing again, a little slower this time

**To: My Seonghwa Hyungie <3**

_I’m not drunk. jts tired. Illl go to your lpace now_

**From: My Seonghwa Hyungie <3**

_Where are you? I’m coming to get you_

Before Hongjoong can really react to the text, his phone starts ringing. Seonghwa is calling. He panics, just staring at the screen. If he answers, Seonghwa will know he’s at a bar. The bar he’s in is more the kind people come to socialise and relax at than dance and be rowdy, so the music playing isn’t very loud, but it’s loud enough to be heard over the phone.

So Hongjoong waits for the phone to stop ringing and then he types a quick text.

**To: My Seonghwa Hyungie <3**

_Can’t tlak now. go to your place. I’ll be thwre aoon_

**From: My Seonghwa Hyungie <3**

_I know you are lying. Tell me where you are already._

Hongjoong can almost literally sense Seonghwa’s impatience and building anger in that one text, so he decides against any more lies. He finally texts Seonghwa the address of the bar.

*********

For someone whose texts barely make sense, Hongjoong’s directions aren’t half bad. Seonghwa finds him with less than expected hustle. The moment Seonghwa walks into the establishment, he notices that it’s a gay bar if the number of canoodling all-male couples about is anything to go by. The good news is that the place isn’t too crowded, so he navigates with ease, skimming the place for where Hongjoong said he’s sitting. Eventually Seonghwa spots the familiar figure of his boyfriend tucked away in the dark corner of the bar near the lounge area.

While making his way to the bar, Seonghwa was upset about Hongjoong drinking on a weeknight, especially alone, but that anger thaws a bit when he sees how small, lonely and pitiful Hongjoong looks hunched over the bar counter.

Seonghwa’s steps quicken as he walks towards Hongjoong, his protective instincts coming alive and burning in his chest.

Just to be cautious in case he is mistaken about the identity of the person in front of him, Seonghwa taps the person on the shoulder. The person sits up but doesn’t face him right away. First he scrambles to put his face mask on and Seonghwa instantly knows that it’s his Hongjoong.

Hongjoong whips around on his stool, and he instinctively wants to reach out and hug Seonghwa but he stops himself because he knows that Seonghwa is upset. He pulls the mask off his face and continues to fidget with it in his hands to keep them busy because it’s nearly physically impossible for him to keep his hands off Seonghwa.

Seonghwa sighs as he stares into Hongjoong’s wide, nervous eyes. “Why are you here? Did something happen?” he asks. Yes he has to speak a little louder than normal to be heard but he’s grateful that he doesn’t have to shout.

Hongjoong lowers his gaze and shakes his head. Seonghwa takes Hongjoong’s face in the palms of his hands and tips his face up so that their gazes can meet. “Tell me what happened.”

Hongjoong wants to. God, he wants to, but he’s also just tired of complaining, crying and always looking pitiful and pathetic in front of Seonghwa. “It’s just some stuff with my brother. It’s no big deal. Really.” Hongjoong forces a smile.

“It’s a big deal since you are clearly upset. Did you have another fight with Yunho Hyung?”

Hongjoong gives up the physically strenuous effort of trying not to reach for Seonghwa, and leans forward then wraps his arms around Seonghwa’s waist and rests his head on Seonghwa’s chest. He tries to hold his tears back, he really does but they fall anyway because he’s a damned easy crier.

Seonghwa’s arms circle around Hongjoong and he leans down to kiss Hongjoong’s hair.

“I just want to take you out on a fun date in public, in the middle of the day.” Hongjoong sniffs.

Seonghwa smiles fondly. “Is that why you are crying?”

“I know dating me sucks.”

“Not it doesn’t.”

“Yes it does. We never get to do the stuff you want to do or the stuff that normal couples do.”

“I’m the one that’s made the choice to be with you, so any discomfort I might feel is my own fault really.”

“I could be a better boyfriend.” Hongjoong’s chest is burning with anguish. He feels so miserable and trapped by a life he once thought would bring him joy, a career choice he still hopes will make him happy someday. He loves music so much, he loves his fans even more and he wants to keep his brother happy, but he also just wants to be free to love Seonghwa. Why can’t he have it all?

“Stop being so hard on yourself. I’m not perfect either. No one is. It’s not healthy for you to shoulder the burden of so much guilt. Let’s just do the best we can and try to be happy together, okay?”

Hongjoong tilts his head back to look up and Seonghwa kisses him on the lips, slow, soft and sweet.

“I really hate vodka.” Seonghwa mutters against Hongjoong’s lips, and chuckles.

“Sorry.”

Seonghwa runs his thumb gently along Hongjoong’s lips. “Your lips are so sweet though, so that totally makes up for it.”

Hongjoong makes a face. “A flower just blossomed somewhere because of how cheesy that sounds.”

“At least you are smiling.” And that’s all Seonghwa intends to do. He puts his hands on either side of Hongjoong’s face and wipes away the wetness on Hongjoong’s cheeks with his fingers.

“I probably don’t say this enough but I’m really grateful for the fact that I have you.” Hongjoong often feels unfulfilled not having family and friends, but Seonghwa really tries his best to fill that void and Hongjoong needs him to know how much he appreciates the effort. “I love you, hyung.”

“I love you too.” Seonghwa kisses Hongjoong again. “Let’s go home.”

*********

After a nice, hot shower at Seonghwa’s place, Hongjoong makes them both some tea and they move to the living area to watch some TV. Seonghwa puts the animal channel on to no one’s surprise. Hongjoong grimaces as he lifts his feet off the floor to fold them under him on the couch. “Are we really doing this, hyung?”

Seonghwa smiles, knowing exactly what’s got Hongjoong annoyed. “Animals are fun to watch, baby. Lighten up.”

“I’ll lighten up when you put a movie on.”

“Later. I want to find out how snakes mate. I’ve always wondered.”

Hongjoong’s jaw drops at his boyfriend. Seriously sometimes he wonders why he’s so smitten with Seonghwa and all of his weirdness. As usual he is reminded that there is more to love than hate about Seonghwa.

So for the love of his man, Hongjoong grabs his tea mug and sits back on the couch, relaxing into the program.

Seonghwa follows suit, wrapping his left arm around Hongjoong and pulling him closer to his side.

“Should we order dinner?”

“Later.” Hongjoong closes his eyes and nestles closer yet into Seonghwa’s side, settling into the moment. “Let’s take a nap first. I’m tired.” As if on cue, he yawns

Seonghwa kisses the top of Hongjoong’s hair. “You might not wake up till tomorrow, so you need to eat something first.”

“No. I don’t want to move.”

Seonghwa lets out a resigned sigh. “Alright but if you miss dinner, I’m stuffing a huge breakfast down your throat tomorrow.”

Hongjoong sleepily grins. “I promise it won’t come to that…this time.”

*********

The weeks that follow are a nightmare for Hongjoong. The new artist joining the company- Kang Yeosang - arrives and he replaces Hongjoong in almost every way. According to the CEO and the executive producers’ instructions, Yeosang takes up Hongjoong’s private dance studio and annoyingly enough even most of Hongjoong’s hours in the recording studio. Hongjoong is among the 3 senior artist in the company and some of the privileges of that include having one’s own dance studio and you don’t have to wait in line to use the studio. Hongjoong has been enjoying those privileges among others for about 3 years now then suddenly Yeosang comes along and he’s already being treated better than Hongjoong is.

Hongjoong can’t believe when he goes to his recording studio one afternoon and finds one the producers he works with telling him to wait because Yeosang is recording.

“Yeosang is a really big deal right now and his fans are waiting for a quality album. I guess management just wants to assist him with the best resources around here. Don’t take it to heart.” San supplies when Hongjoong asks his manager what the hell is going on.

“I have music to make too.” Hongjoong replies, hating how desperate, petty and selfish he sounds to his own ears.

It appears to be with much agony that San says, “Your projects have been pushed back though. You’ll have all the resources you need when your time comes, okay? Meanwhile you can focus on writing lyrics.”

The cold, harsh, bitter truth settles in Hongjoong’s stomach and actually causes him some physical discomfort.

Hongjoong has no idea that this is only the beginning of a series of disappointments. Slowly but certainly, Yeosang starts to overtake Hongjoong’s projects as well. San and Yunho have ever briefed Hongjoong on what projects he should expect to participate in for the next few months, about 2 months prior to those events getting booked for him. As such, Hongjoong is well aware of the variety show appearances, hosting gigs and other events he’s set to participate in.

As time progresses, Hongjoong notices that he’s not getting any updates on how far San is with arranging for those projects for Hongjoong, so he calls San to ask.

“Yeosang needs as many TV appearances as possible to promote his album, so we are making bookings for him at present. We’ll get back to you soon.” San explains to Hongjoong over the phone

Hongjoong’s stomach sinks and the unrelenting ache he’s felt there for weeks only gets worse. “What about the appearances I was promised?” he demands

“We’ll be sure to prepare for you when the time comes.”

“Look, hyung, if I don’t get some work any time soon, I’ll lose more fans.”

“Don’t be dramatic. Your fans love you.”

“This is unfair. I can’t believe you all are throwing me out just because a more relevant artist has arrived.”

San sighs. “I know it sounds cold, but that’s business Hongjoong. The sooner you come to terms with that the better you’ll feel. I know you feel bad and I want to help. I really do, but I’m helpless too in the situation.”

Hongjoong hangs up the phone and throws it at the nearest wall.


	3. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I loved every step of writing this story and its so special to me, so i hate saying goodbye already. I can only hope that you guys will find this finale satisfying.  
> Thank you so much for your support<3

Seonghwa pulls his door open and finds Hongjoong standing there at his doorstep.

"Why are you knocking? I have you a key." Seonghwa says, taking in the exhausted and depleted state Hongjoong is in.

In a very sluggish, very absent manner, Hongjoong takes to searching his coat pockets and when he comes up empty, he turns a pair of tired, sunken eyes forwards Seonghwa. "I think I lost them. Sorry."

"It's okay. Come in." Seonghwa reaches for his boyfriend's arm and gently tugs to invite him inside.

Once they are both inside, Seonghwa locks the door and then helps Hongjoong out of his coat.

After he's slipped into a pair of house slippers, Hongjoong turns his attention to Seonghwa. "Hi." He mutters with as much enthusiasm and energy he can muster, which isn't much.

"Hey." Seonghwa softly replies, putting his palms on either side of Hongjoong's face and looking lovingly at him.

Seonghwa's heart hurts so much every time Hongjoong comes over, looking a mess.

Hongjoong's big eyes are bloodshot and there are dark circles around them. Seonghwa gently touches Hongjoong's lips with his thumb, lips that were once expressive, vibrant and a radiant, inviting shade of pink. Now they are a pale greyish colour, chapped and just sad-looking.

Seonghwa's fingers slide away from Hongjoong's mouth and trail up to caress Hongjoong's lean cheeks. Seonghwa thinks of a time when Hongjoong had full, round cheeks that Seonghwa loved to playfully pinch and kiss.

Everything has changed so much. It's not only how much Hongjoong's looks have changed but also how the gentle glow, and genuine optimism he once had is gone.

Seonghwa can still see the love and affection in Hongjoong's eyes when he looks at him but not much else.

It should be enough for Seonghwa that he is still loved but it isn't. He wants Hongjoong to be happy, brave and optimistic again in all areas of his life and not only when he is in Seonghwa's arms.

"You look so exhausted. What happened?" Seonghwa asks quietly, his gaze imploring Hongjoong to speak up.

But Hongjoong is too tired to talk now. His heart and body are all heavy with physical and emotional stress. So he just takes a step forward, slides his arms around Seonghwa’s waist and hugs him.

Seonghwa's heart breaks some more because he knows how burdened Hongjoong is feeling. He wants to help, to make it all better but he just doesn't know how. Not when Hongjoong insists on keeping his career.

In a way Seonghwa understands Hongjoong. It's not easy saying goodbye to a beloved career and art but Seonghwa also believes that despite the suffering one may go through to live out their dreams, there should always a limit to the struggle and there should be some joy in it.

Hongjoong hasn't looked happy in years now and Seonghwa is beginning to wonder whether Hongjoong is living the right life at all. It's not Seonghwa's place to say or decide but deep down he secretly wishes Hongjoong would walk away from his music career or at least from his brother’s agency for good and try to find joy elsewhere. He wishes there was something he could do to make Hongjoong's struggles easier to shoulder.

For now all he can do is wrap Hongjoong in his arms, support and love him.

Hongjoong sighs contentedly as Seonghwa's warmth seeps into him. This is the comfort he's been craving all day. The only thing that makes all of Hongjoong's struggles bearable is knowing that he has Seonghwa's arms to run back to after each tough day or number of days.

It's been three days too long since they last saw each other and Hongjoong is ready to recline here in Seonghwa's house where he feels the safest. He tips his head back to look up at Seonghwa. "I missed you."

"I missed you too. Are you okay?"

Hongjoong evades this question too and rises onto his toes to kiss Seonghwa because that's what he'd rather do. The truth is that Hongjoong is sick of struggling and complaining. Since this is the only place where he can have some peace and joy, so he no longer wants to waste his time here talking about work.

He tips his head to one side and deepens the kiss, licking into Seonghwa's mouth and pouring all his passion and love into it.

“I’m exhausted. Let’s go to sleep.” Hongjoong mutters against Seonghwa’s lips, sounding as tired as he feels.

“We haven’t had dinner.”

The thought of putting any food inside his aching stomach almost triggers Hongjoong’s gag reflex. He shakes his head. “I’m not hungry.”

“I don’t want you starving yourself. Did you eat anything today?”

Hongjoong can’t remember. While he’s figuring out what to say, Seonghwa speaks up. “Let’s take a shower and then order in. is that okay?”

Maybe Hongjoong will have some appetite after getting cleaned up, so he nods.

*********

Long after they’ve finished actually washing up, Seonghwa and Hongjoong stay there in the bath, just soaking up together because Seonghwa thinks like Hongjoong really needs the relaxation. Seonghwa had to run a fresh bath for them so that they don’t waddle in their own filth.

He’s leaning back against the tub with his arms wrapped around Hongjoong, who is lying on Seonghwa, back pressed against Seonghwa’s chest. 

They’ve been sitting for so long is silence that Seonghwa starts wondering whether Hongjoong has fallen asleep. He cranes his neck to see Hongjoong’s face and he finds Hongjoong staring blankly at the wall, blinking very slowly.

“Are you having a hard time?” Seonghwa asks

Hongjoong nods after what feels like forever.

Seonghwa sighs miserably. “I know it’s not my place to say this, but I have to say something. You haven’t looked happy in a very long time. Your rapping career is making you sadder than happier. Are you sure It’s a good idea to continue with your agency?”

“My current agency knows me best. It would be hard to start over with another. Besides Yunho hyung will get upset if I leave after he’s done so much for me. I don’t want that.”

“Maybe he’ll understand that you want to be happy.”

Hongjoong shakes his head. “He’s the only family I have. I don’t want to drive a rift between us.”

Seonghwa’s arms instinctively tighten around Hongjoong if only to offer a bit of comfort. “How much longer can you sacrifice your own happiness for your brother’s?”

“Music makes me happy too.”

“Not under your brother’s agency. It’s time for a fresh start.”

Hongjoong doesn’t reply. He just shuffles around in Seonghwa’s arms until he settles onto his side, wrapping his arms around Seonghwa’s waist. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” Seonghwa is the only joy Hongjoong has left and he doesn’t to taint even that talking about his shitty life all the time.

Seonghwa thinks this conversation is far from over but he can’t force things. “Okay.” He whispers and kisses Hongjoong’s forehead.

***********

The months start ticking away without any hope of Hongjoong getting some work. His fans continue expressing their concern and questions on social media. With nothing else to do with his time, Hongjoong spends more time chatting with his fans these days. It breaks his heart reading about how much they miss him but somehow it’s also comforting.

As they get more vehemently about demanding some more music from him, Hongjoong ends up thoughtlessly promising them that he’ll make a comeback pretty soon as he has already recorded some music over the past few months.

What he doesn’t expect is for that promise to turn into a news headline. Hongjoong is entirely stunned when Yunho calls him early on a Tuesday morning, all angry and demanding answers from Hongjoong.

“When I told you to spend some time chatting with your fans, this isn’t what I meant.”

Hongjoong’s stomach lurches after Yunho explains what’s happened. According to entertainment news today, Hongjoong is making a comeback soon. No doubt his fans took what he told them to mean he’s releasing new music soon.

“I… I had no idea the fans would…. I just sort of said that to comfort them.” Hongjoong tries to explain to Yunho.

“Everything can be turned into a headline, Hongjoong. You don’t make a promise unless you are certain you can keep it. For God’s sake, why are you acting like an amateur?”

“I’m sorry. It was a mistake.” Hongjoong swallows the lump forming in his throat. “I told them I’d release one song. Just one. Certainly I can make good on that promise.”

“What part of you-do-not-call-the-shots don’t you understand?”

“Why can’t I make certain decisions for my own career? It’s my talent and my fans.”

“Because you do not finance your content.” Yunho says heatedly. His tone of voice is levelled but also just a tad bit waspish to show that his anger is just barely contained. “I have a say because I have an investment in the asset. You are an asset and the asset does not finance itself, understood?”

“It’s just one song.”

“Will you sponsor that one song? Can you afford to?” Yunho is challenging Hongjoong now.

Of course Hongjoong can’t afford to sponsor a song or really anything in his life. His boyfriend is paying his utility bills for him after all. It’s humiliating. Hongjoong hates not being able to look after his self and he hates putting that responsibility of Seonghwa but Hongjoong still lives each day with his pride swallowed way down, his problems shoved to the side and his reservations ignored because he loves making music to himself and his fans.

“I won’t need a music video. I could release the song on my sound cloud or something.”

“My point is that you have to get permission. You don’t tell your fans things we haven’t discussed. We have investors to consult about promotions.”

Just about fed up, Hongjoong explodes. “Why is it always a big deal when I want to make a comeback?” His voice is shaking with emotion because this is probably the first time he is raising his voice at his older brother. “It’s like you people don’t want to support me at all. You promised to support me when I signed on. If you can’t fulfil your obligations, then what’s the point of my staying at that agency? You aren’t giving me many reasons to resign when my contract expires soon.”

“You think you’ll shake up a whole company with that threat? Revenue on your music releases has decreased by 61%. You are lucky the agency is still holding on to you. If you want to walk away from us, be my guest.” Yunho hangs up.

Hongjoong’s vision with tears as he puts his phone down. It’s terribly obvious now that his agency is no longer interested in him. It’s a truth that Hongjoong has sort of known but in his desperation to stay he convinced himself otherwise. He denied this truth every time Seonghwa said it. Now it’s impossible to ignore.

*********

**_Rapper Kim Hongjoong to go on hiatus due to a back injury_ **

Seonghwa stares in shock at the news headline as he reads it over and over again. Usually when he’s having lunch at work, he browses through entertainment news just to see what his favourite artists re up to. He doesn’t at all expect to find such disheartening news about his number one musician and boyfriend.

Seonghwa’s heart is racing as he puts his food away to dials Hongjoong’s number.

There is no answer. Seonghwa tries the number a few more times before he gives up. He can’t possibly focus on his work now if he doesn’t get feedback on how Hongjoong is doing, what hospital he’s been taken to and things like that.

Thankfully San answers his phone. Hongjoong gave him the number to reach in case of a dire emergency. This is a dire emergency.

San sounds distressed over the phone as he starts answering Seonghwa’s questions. “Hongjoong isn’t at a hospital. He’s at home. His place.”

“How come?” Seonghwa is confused now.

San sighs on the phone and hesitates for a little while before saying. “Look, I know that you and Hongjoong are more than friends. that’s why I’m going to entrust you with the truth.”

For a second Seonghwa registers what San just said and he nearly starts to how San found out, but this is not the time. Seonghwa will just have to ask that question later and worry about the consequences of San knowing about the true nature of Seonghwas and Hongjoong’s relationship. Right now he’s more concerned about Hongjoong’s wellbeing. “What truth is that?”

“Joongie isn’t really injured. The company made this move to keep him from putting out any music.”

Seonghwa’s blood runs cold. Seriously how far will that company go to toss Hongjoong out? Maybe Hongjoong hasn’t had enough yet but Seonghwa has. All this nonsense ends here.

***********

Seonghwa frantically bursts into Hongjoong's apartment. He couldn’t get away from work until now so to say he is dying to see Hongjoong is such an understatement. He doesn't even bother to turn on the lights in the dark house before he rushes to the small living area, calling out for Hongjoong. He stops when he hears quiet whimpering coming from the living area.

"Seonghwa hyung." Hongjoong readily calls out, his gruff voice barely audible.

Seonghwa finds Hongjoong curled up into a ball on the floor, hugging and crying into a pillow.

Tears well up in Seonghwa's eyes at the sight but he takes a deep breath and resist the urge to cry because he needs to stay strong for Hongjoong. Seonghwa didn't bail on his job- something he'll undoubtedly be writing a report and get reprimanded for tomorrow- to come here and cry with Hongjoong.

So he drops to his hunches and takes Hongjoong by the arms to pull him up into a sitting position.

Hongjoong can't even look up. He feels so much better now that Seonghwa is here but he is also a bit embarrassed about what a wreck he is in.

Seonghwa cups Hongjoong's tear streaked face in the palms of his hands and tries to turns it towards him but Hongjoong won't let him. "San hyung told me what’s going on?"

"It hurts so damn much. Please make it stop." Hongjoong cries and ultimately tosses the cushion he's holding aside to reach up and wrap his arms around Seonghwa's neck and buries his face in the crook of Seonghwa's neck.

Seonghwa wraps his arms around Hongjoong and effortlessly stands up, taking Hongjoong with him. Once Seonghwa is on his feet, Hongjoong picks his dangling legs up and wraps them around Seonghwa's waist.

Seonghwa manoeuvres them both to sit down on Hongjoong’s couch. He waits until Hongjoong’s crying subsides to ask, “Are you okay?”

“No. I’m so tired.” Hongjoong mutters and finally, finally he voices out the one thing Seonghwa has been waiting for him to admit. “I’m not happy.”

“What are you thinking?”

Hongjoong takes his time thinking before he answers because he feels like once he states his decision, it will be that final. Perhaps for the first time in his life, he’s 100% sure about what he’s about to say. “It’s time to leave my rapping career behind.”

“Are you sure you are okay with that?”

“Yes.”

“You can look for another agency?”

Hongjoong shakes his head. “One day maybe, but for now I want to do something else. There is a lot more I can do with my music talent. I don’t want to be an idol anymore.”

“You’ve been an idol for 7 years. Are you sure it’s something you can just walk away from?”

“It’s not like I’ve built some fortune from this life. Out of those 7 years I’ve been happy probably for 2. I literally have nothing to lose from walking away.”

“I’m sorry that you are walking away from your rapping career empty handed.”

“I’m not empty handed. I met you in that time. Also, I still have my talents. If I can’t use them, I’ll find another way. The point is that it’s time for me to man up and face real life.”

“I’m here if you need anything.”

“I know. God, I know.”

*********

“So you are really leaving?” Yunho scoffs, staring down at his hands that as clasped atop his dining table.

Since resolving yesterday that it’s about time he puts an end to an unhappy career, Hongjoong came to his brother’s house first thing early in the morning so that maybe for once in a long time they can talk like brothers in a home environment and not like work colleagues in an office building.

Yunho made some tea for the both of them and invited Hongjoong to sit with him at the dining table. A few minutes later Hongjoong announced that he’ll be departing from his brother’s agency and now here they are.

A muscle jumps in Yunho’s jaw as it tightens. Hongjoong can tell that there is anger building up inside Yunho.

“I’d like to have a fresh start elsewhere.” Hongjoong explains.

Yunho lifts his gaze. “We are your family.”

“That’s the thing though, hyung. Since I joined your label, you haven’t felt like family to me. No one there has.”

“All this drama because we asked you to wait a bit before you release your album?”

“I do feel bad about that, but mostly I just feel like we’ve lost ourselves and each other as brothers because we are too wrapped up in careers and business. I just…” Hongjoong pauses to clear his suddenly dry throat. “I’d like to spend time with you as my brother and not my boss.”

“Hongjoong-”

“Maybe you don’t care about family anymore, but I do. Maybe if you are not my boss anymore we can go back to being family.”

“Ad because of that you are just walking away from the record label that made you?”

It’s Hongjoong’s turn to scoff, and rather bitterly at that. “The label was never on my side. Apart from creative freedom, there is nothing else in my contract that benefits me as an artist. Do you know how I’ve been living all these years? I’m a lonely and perpetually broke grown man. I’ve been struggling a lot and I couldn’t even turn to you because you are always my boss before you are my brother. Someone else has been taking care of me emotionally and financially. I’m a grown man who can’t take care of himself. Why on earth would I want to continue living like that?”

At least Yunho has the decency to look disarmed after what I’ve just told him. “I admit that I’m aware your contract doesn’t have equal share of profits, but I didn’t know that you’ve had all those other issues.”

“You never ask me anything.”

“Alright Hongjoong I hear you. If you want better conditions under your contract, we can negotiate.”

Hongjoong is heartbroken that even after everything he’s said here his brother only cares about the business side of their relationship; but he isn’t surprised. Walking into this conversation Hongjoong didn’t exactly expect some sudden ground breaking reconciliation with Yunho. After all they were never really that close as brothers to begin with.

“I want to move on.” Hongjoong says emphatically, and then with a fresh bout of courage, he continues. “The person I said has been taking care of me- he’s my boyfriend.”

Yunho pales and he just stares at me in utter shock. Before he can say anything, Hongjoong carry on. “We’ve been secretly dating for years now. I met him at the company when he came over as part of a team to give you investment consultancy services. His name is Seonghwa and he makes me really happy. More than building the strained relationship between you and me, I want to protect the one I have with Seonghwa hyung. He is so good to me and I just want to be free to love him.”

“You are…gay?” Yunho whispers conspiratorially like it is some abomination. “You’ve been seeing someone all along, later on a man? How could you risk your career like that?” He asks incredulously.

“That’s not the point.”

“Of course it is. Money has been invested in your career. How dare you trivialise that for…love or whatever you call what you have going on with that other man?”

“For your sake I’ve been careful and for that sake I’m not happy. Now I’m choosing my own happiness.”

Yunho shakes his head in disappointment. He visibly can’t comprehend or understand any of what I’m saying.

“As my brother you gave me a huge opportunity to have a great music career and for that I’m grateful. That’s why I wanted to tell you before telling the other investors that I won’t be renewing my contract with the label.”

*********

“Are you sure your brother will keep your secrete?” Seonghwa asks Hongjoong. They are sitting on Hongjoong’s living room floor with their legs stretched out in front of them, sharing a bowl of savoury snacks and a tub of ice cream.

“Yunho hyung is a lot of things, but he’s not evil. My contract expires in 5 months anyway, so I don’t think he has anything to gain from exposing and ousting me.”

Seonghwa nods and then his expression softens. “It’s a shame that Yunho hyung cares so little about how your working relationship has ruined your family.”

“Of course I feel bad about that but there are worse family situations out there. I’ll be fine on my own going forward. If Yunho hyung ever wants to be a real family, he knows where to find me. I’m done forcing that relationship. I want to focus on myself now and the things that I do have.” Hongjoong gives Seonghwa a ppointed look while saying the last bit. “I need to find contentment in other things.”

“I’m proud of you for taking the first step towards your own happiness.” Seonghwa grins. It’s a real dream come true that Hongjoong has finally decided to start loving himself and seeing himself for the beautiful, special and valuable person he is.

“To be exact, the first step is eating all the junk food I want.” Hongjoong smiles, animatedly spooning some ice cream into his mouth. “According to my label, I have an injury, so I have no work to do until my contract expires. In this time I want to sleep, eat, and drink and to spend time loving you. I want to sit down with you, drink coffee and talk about what dates we’ll go on when I’m relieved of my contract.

Seonghwa pulls his legs under him as he shifts to face Hongjoong. “Can we move in together then?”

Hongjoong leans into Seonghwa and kisses him on the lips. It starts quick then it lingers and slows down until it ends up deep and adoring. They pull apart and Hongjoong puts his hands on either side of Seonghwa’s face as he smiles brightly at him. “Of course.”

“I missed your smile so much.”

“Well you’ll be seeing a lot of it going forward.”

“I look forward to it.”

**Author's Note:**

> As always your support is appreciated and loved. Please leave a comment or kudos<3


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